To Be an American- One Month Later

Today is March 11, 2009 meaning I’ve been in Opole for exactly one month. It definitely doesn’t feel like one month, but then, I’m not sure how it does feel. Everything is still very new: new roads to walk down, new foods to try, new people to meet, new words to learn, but then again I feel like I’ve been gone for months and have started a whole new life. It’s a scary feeling, at times, knowing that you’re growing up without the ones you love by your side experiencing a new life with you. But I’ve found a kind of family here, people that I’ve learned to trust and count on, one’s that help me stay grounded in this whirlwind of Poland. To them, I’m just the goofy American girl. And “American” is defiantly what I am, and I’m slowly becoming okay with that. Prior to Poland, I’ve always held a kind of negative view of America, tired of hearing the depressing facts and statistics: “ an increasing number of people will face homelessness in 2009” …“ as the economic crisis deepens….:” “Scientists predict that Global Warming will reach an all-time high…” “Troops are being deployed…” “the number of civilian casualties…” “New found cure for depression and obesity!” I was sick of it all and wanted nothing more than to leave. Someone once said that a fish will never know it lives in water until it’s outside of its tank. I needed to experience life outside of the American society. I needed to see the world from outside the fishbowl. And a feeling of irony struck me as I was flying out of New York on my way to Poland. Here I was, having done everything in my power to escape, only to be leaving a place where many can only dream to be. For years, people have struggled and given up everything to have the opportunity to touch American soil, to live the American Dream…America, Land of the Free, Home of the Brave. And as I was flying away from this “Mecca” I only hoped that one day I would be proud to be an American. But I never would have thought that this feeling of American nostalgia would hit so soon. Time is a powerful thing, and sometimes all that is needed is a little time. Time to think, reflect, heal, grow, learn, and what better place to just “BE” than Poland, where time seems to stand still. I’m learning a lot, and not so much inside the classroom. Don’t get me wrong, my classes are great, but the most important learning is coming through each day, through each new person I met, through each new conversation. And more and more I’m learning that being “American” isn’t so bad after all. I’ve given up trying to “fit in”. I can’t do it. I can’t be someone I’m not, even though I would really like to look as good as the Polish girls in their high heels, it’s just not “me”. And that “me” is American, blue jeans, baseball cap and all. I eat cereal and rarely use a knife to cut my food. I like walking slowly and enjoy the feeling of the cobblestone roads under my tennis shoes. I may not be familiar with many Russian composers but I can make one great peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I may not have that many customs and traditions to share but I can talk about my killer birthday parties (Lord of the Rings and Survivor themed :) ). I may not know 4 different languages, but will try my hardest to talk to you anyway ( I can understand body language). I may not be able to make homemade periogies, but I do know how to make an amazing batch of Rice Krispie Treats. I may not be 100% anything, but I’m 100% everything- Italian, Irish, Native American, Russian, (not really sure…). The point is that I’m learning more and more to love the person I am, and to embrace the person I’m becoming. Life is too beautiful to let petty things as fear and insecurities get the best of you, and with that perspective, I’ll be able to smile and continue with my polish aerobics classes even though I’m the only girl who’s doing everything backwards because I can’t understand the instructor… :) What can I say, I’m an American…